Of Loss and Reunions

Of Loss and Reunions.

So Khushi finally found Arnav.And Arnav, I hope, realised how much Khushi cares. There’s so much ‘Rabba ve’ and so much cliched melodrama but yes they manage to convince,rather beautifully. To love and to lose and to finally find it again. The stuff fairytales are made of. I ‘m surrounded by gross reality on this side of the screen, so are the actors shooting for the camera but somewhere deep down, we all need a little respite from all the sadness around us. At this point in my life ,it is not personal sadness that I’m talking about. Sometimes sad events in the lives of people you care about,( they may not be exactly close) to see them cope with a personal loss, forces you to put your life in perspective. Makes you value what you have and yes, fills you with a somewhat invisible fear of losing that. Its invisible because we don’t show it, we never discuss it (atleast I never do), but a deeper look in the eyes and you see it right there. And it is everywhere..

 Death is inevitable. Its been said innumerable times and we know it all too well. To cope with a personal loss is too difficult a matter to write about for me. To write about how one relates to another’s loss is something I’ve grown to learn. We all place ourselves in their place and its like going through imaginary hell. Tears come rolling when we can’t imagine being there, and you know you’re helpless. All  the world’s reasoning, power and philosophy comes to a standstill. That is the moment of the All consuming fear and dread. That’s when the tears roll..

So much said. We get on with our lives and slowly accustom ourselves to the realities we face.Praying that the ones in pain find stregnth everytime their thought hovers in my mind and trying to forget my own fears by making the others I live with and ‘for’ happy. We manage to get on with our lives.It is at such times that a Happy Reunion between people I know only from their onscreen stories, fills me with the hope of life, its little pleasures and the importance of caring.

So as for Arnav and Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada (who by the way is really resourceful and inspiring- she’s middle class,lively and filled with lot of good sense, joie de vivre and loads of gumption ) well I hope they continue their endearing squabbles and not get spoilt by stupid sub-plots.

Treading Along

A Direction-Been looking for a while, Finally Found It!

I have always wondered about Edward and Bella. Their perfect love.And to be truthful somewhere in my mind,the fantasy will always live. Thinking of perfect love, I used to think they had it. Not anymore. It just doesn't seem real. More after I read the book. The movie was breathtakingly beautiful. The book got me wondering if this was really worth being so hung up for, for so long. Move over Edward and Bella. Enter, Reality. 

Treading along

I am a doctor. My life revolves mostly around my own education.I have super supportive parents, who are also super protective and Loving (I'll dedicate another whole story to write just about them someday). I have extremely loving friends. The kinds that can inspire stories about friendship. As a kid, I had a gang but they all grew up, I was the last to leave school, they took up finance and I got too busy to have a life the moment I took up Science. And until Med school happened, It was a whirlwind and I was more alone than I'd ever been for all my life.That's when I felt Friendless, and guess what, Med school happened, and I ended up making friends I never thought I was capable of making. It was beautiful. Truthful, Loving, Honest FRIENDS. The kinds I know I will fight to keep in my life. Touchwood. 

I always thought myself to be like Bella in someway. Not the beautiful , slender and graceful way, just the so called sloppy, slipping, accident prone, confused as hell way. I now think that she wasn't confused at all and we aren't much alike. She was a smart teenager who knew what it was to love and trust and spend your life with someone. As I look back, I had no idea how to deal with love until I got to 20 (delayed milestone as I call it), never fell in love with anyone, had a tough time dealing with silly crushes, and eventually decided (happens to be my current scene) to just flip out of the whole thing for a while and concentrate on my career which by the way is hanging precariously on an edge.

So here I am with friends and family (not necessarily in that order cos both are invariably important to me, its a different thing that, as a choice, all of us- friends, would dutifully put our family first.) , with a question mark for a career, trying to find my way into my dream. And I think I'm growing up! I know I want to get somewhere and do something and be what I've dreamt of being, and I have an inkling of how I've got to get there, all I really got to do is keep moving on. 

RS

Hanging on

We Won

We Won.

So Kolkata knight riders finally one.The skeptic in me kept screaming "It's fixed" but I knew I wasn't happy for KKR....I hardly cared.I was happy that Shahrukh finally found what he needed. A break from all the critics and a taste of victory. I can see the man struggling.Trying to find some kind of peace that he's looking for.

 I have no idea who he is as a real person and I am going to ignore the press. I see him as someone who has come a long way from where he started. Someone who has gained through his hardwork and smart brainwork at times but it has come at cost.And he knows it. He values his success ,he knows the price he's paid to get so far. He's tired but he won't admit it.I am sure he won't succumb to it either. He's a natural fighter. I wish he had more time to spend with his real friends. I am sure he does have those. It'll make him stronger.

 I see a family man in him. I saw that side much more often earlier, more in his Swades days, some 5 years ago.He was flamboyant alright but his transition into this Media Man took away that innocence. Or may be not and maybe each person has to keep changing to grow .I do miss the Old White shirt blue jeans guy, with a smirk , the look that made him look like a million bucks. And I think he still looks like a million bucks only different.

As a child,I have fought with people who criticized him. I eventually learned that its not my job. My affection for him as an actor may have waned with age...mine not his, but as a person, well, naturally there is a strong feeling, after all its been a long journey following him. He is family, well sort of. Someone I've grown up watching and admiring. Its like a community of us who love him...and as far as that goes, I must say my mum and one of my best friends are more loyal admirers than I've ever been.Its like this person who doesn't know we exist has become a part of our lives and we'll always treasure that. This is one thing he'll never know. It's not like I am going to meet him( and I do dream of meeting him someday and him saying to me," Its a pleasure Dr.RS, I am so happy to have finally met ya" :) ) and tell him, "Oh Mr.Khan, Nice meeting you.You're like family." His triumphs and glory feel well deserved. I feel happy when he's happy. I do get mad at him for doing irrational crazy things but always rationalize his behavior inside my head. I will always care.And I believe that good wishes always work, doesn't matter how far you are, all that matters is that you care. 

I just wanted to say I was happy that his team won the IPL , I don't know if its made him really happy or it is just the pleasure of seeing a business venture finally take off. I will never know that, but I'll always speculate. I don't speculate about everyone.Just Family :) .

Falling in Love with Paris

Paris...its been more than a year since I had my first rencontre with this amazingly fresh but still full of old world charm place. 3 days- that's all I had in such a beautiful place and yet I could feel that I knew it. It was like going to someplace I'd already been to before. There wasn't any fear of the unknown. I was carefree. It may have been due to the friendly bonjours that we got from complete strangers, or the crazy broken french I used, to talk to the driver of our very first cab out of the airport.We stayed in the heart of the city. And yes. It beats, with a rhythm that feels like music- a soft,dreamy symphony. Every sculpted life form, fountain and cobbled path felt like it held some connection to a bygone era,to a story that it might tell, if it could only speak. Its good for me that I was not fore-warned of french rudeness.Maybe that's why I did not encounter any.None of the charming francaises that I met seemed to mind my broken french, and it is quite possible that they might have been greatly amused by my confidence in using it. If it weren't for my dear Dad refusing to walk another step without asking for directions I would have ventured into the city and gotten lost in its streets. I plan to do so the next time I get there. Get lost , in a place so enchanting ,it plays with your sense of time....one moment its all old and arty..the next moment its sparkling and amazingly modern. Its been a year and I am still awestruck. Its like falling in love at first sight with a stranger that you'll never see again and then spending the rest of your life trying to find a way back to that person, not knowing when and how you'll get there but still wanting it with all your heart. I've been to many beautiful places...most of them had mountains, rivers, trees and other innately rich bounties that nature offers, but for the first time, a city...filled with buildings, people, and cars and all things essentially man made has evoked such a deep feeling in me.Maybe calling it a city is too impersonal. It has a heart, it sings, envelopes you in its mystique and if you love this wonderful stranger,it loves you back. Paris, Je vous aimez.